Finding our feet: reflections on 2019

2019 has been a big year for us. Ups, downs, hard and fast learning through doing, and lots of research, design and delivery of relationships and sex education (RSE). To celebrate our first birthday on the 23rd January we wanted to share some of our yearly reflections with you. 

1. People are craving this space.

We do our work with two groups. Primarily, with young people; in one-off sessions and extended programmes, inside schools and with youth groups, covering everything from body positivity to sexting.

But we also work with adults. We run ‘What I Wish I’d Known’ creative workshops, which are safe spaces to reflect and explore personal experiences and potential gaps in knowledge surrounding sex and relationships. In both cases, the value in the safe, open space we set to explore feelings and topics in a healthy way cannot be underestimated.

With adults, the majority appear to be at best saddened and angry by the bad sex-ed they’ve had, and at worst, traumatised by subsequent - often preventable - personal experiences. There is also a surprising joy that is shared when we run these workshops. The space offers people a chance to ‘breathe out’ and find solidarity in shared experiences with others. 

2. Schools are struggling.

The new government guidelines mean that RSE is finally becoming compulsory later this year. This is a mammoth achievement for individuals and groups who have been fighting for this for a decade.

But, sadly, there is not an extra budget attached to this new policy. This means that alongside the extreme cuts that schools have faced over the last decade due to austerity, they are now required to deliver an extra service without the cash to do it. Whether through teacher training, or outsourcing, schools are in a tough position. 

3. You have to take the time to build relationships.

One workshop is not enough for a lifetime of relationships and sex. In order to empower students to deeply reflect and to ask questions such as ‘who am I?’, ‘what do I believe in?’, ‘where do my values come from?’, ‘how do I want to act?’ and ‘how can I find pleasure, safety and kindness through relationships and sex?’ you need to spend time building trust and rapport.

For example, in our first session, young people will state that ‘homophobia is bad’. But it isn’t until the third or fourth session, where students relax into deeper conversations, that you may overhear homophobic comments.

Often students don’t even understand that they are being homophobic. Having the time to speak to the reason behind the behaviour, to ask ‘why do you think that?’ ‘what is it that’s made you feel that way?’ is critical. Trust comes with time, and this is imperative in order to encourage young people to think and act with empathy. 

4. Social enterprise + education = tough.

We’re learning how social enterprise can be an exciting way to harness the (oppressive) capitalist system that we live in. To impact positive change, through marketisation of a product and be freed from unpredictable grant funding. However, when the consumer is a cash-strapped school this is difficult, and you have to get creative. We’re hoping to be able to give ourselves the present of a diverse and sustainable business model for our second birthday.

5. There are awesome people doing awesome things.

The sex-ed space is extraordinary, and it’s growing. We’ve been inspired by so many individuals and organisations.

Meeting passionate people who are committing their time (often freely!) to a wider movement that is pushing for equality, in a variety of different ways, has shaped who we are. From Be Her Lead, who empower women and girls in schools, to Outspoken Sex-Ed, who are on a mission to make it easier for parents to have conversations with their kids about sex.

The lovely Natalie Fiennes, who’s written a fascinating book exploring the history of sex education and the amazing Suzi, who has set up Teaching the Talk, where young people train teachers how to talk about sex. And we’ve had such a great time collaborating with Prishita and activist group Voices 4 Ldn, whose mantra is ‘queer voices anywhere are responsible for queers everywhere’. We’re looking forward to further collaborations this year.

6. You have to start with self.

RSE should begin with the relationship with the self. Our personal beliefs, values, boundaries, experiences, body image - and the list goes on. The concept of a relationship with self underlies all of our sessions, which follow an ‘I / We / Us’ structure. When covering any topic, from pornography to puberty, we first think about how it affects the ‘I’. How does it make you feel? What’s your interaction with it?

It’s crucial that these thoughts are explored, before we start to understand how they relate to our external relationships with others, the ‘We’ - whether familial, platonic, or romantic - and to wider society, ‘the Us’. 

7. The tide is changing.

We’re constantly impressed by how sharp and savvy the young people of today are. Whether they’re telling us about gender fluidity, body positive movements, or contraception, these young people are self-organising.

Everything is rapidly progressing around them, and it’s interesting to watch the dynamic between activated students and teachers trying to keep up with the language. Further, in society, waves are occuring. People like Gina Martin are not putting up with upskirting, and Amika George is battling period poverty. There is more of this to come. 

8. The work we do is political.

We’re real with our students. Most of what we talk about within relationships and sex is linked to structural systems of power, because that’s the way they exist currently in the world. But, we don’t think it’s good enough to simply explain this and then do a mic-drop and leave.

Instead, we equip young people with skills to recognise and challenge power structures that surround their identities and relationships, and empower them to keep exploring what they believe in. In order to keep safe, they need to understand their rights. We hope that they can use these tools and insights learned for the rest of their lives. 

In 2020, we’re looking forward to recognising and answering the burning questions which continue to guide us. 

How can we share best practice in the most effective way? How can we support schools that are most in need? How do we rally for systems and structural change to promote equality in all its forms?

Get in touch on hello@splitbanana.co.uk if you’d like to collaborate, get involved in a ‘What I Wish I’d Known’ workshop or just want to have a chat about all things sex and relationships.