A simple guide to great sex-ed: how to talk about body image.

This is part of a wider blog series, where we explore how we all have a responsibility to have better, more open conversations about relationships and sex. Before reading this, make sure you’ve read why we think this is important, and our top tips to get you chatting. This is a blog for adults and educators.

What is body image?

When we talk about ‘body image’ we are talking about our relationship with our physical selves, how we think and feel about our body, how others see us and how society tells us bodies should look and behave.

Why is it important to talk about body image?

Every single person faces pressures to conform to body ideals, whether they’re conscious of this or not. Every day we’re told we should look a certain way, and more often than not that we should put time / money / energy into changing our appearances. Some might feel the need to change in order to feel more desirable, whereas others have to alter their appearances to feel safer or more ‘accepted’ by society.

These pressures can have a huge impact on a person's confidence, self worth and mental health.

Young people in particular have a rough time of it. Their bodies and minds are going through intense changes, they’re in a state of direct comparison. A recent study surveyed over 1,000 teenagers in the UK in 2019 about how their mental health is affected by body image. It showed that amongst teenagers 37% of them felt upset in relation to their body image, a further 31% felt ashamed and 40% of teenagers said images on social media caused them to worry about their body image.

Having open conversations about body image can help young people to understand that the reasons they feel bad about their appearance are actually rooted in societal expectations, rather than a product of their own failure to look a certain way.

Highlighting how body image sits within wider systems of inequality and discrimination is also key to making young people aware of how harmful their own ideas of body ideals can be to others around them.

3 conversations on body image

1. Beauty ideals are political

First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge what shapes our beauty ideals. You only have to look at magazine covers over the past 12 months to see what these are.

Understanding what informs our ideas of beauty ideals and body ideals can help us see to what extent we can opt out of them and challenge them. It enables us to see the harm they do to ourselves and those around us, and helps us to see where to put our energy when challenging them.

When looking at these ‘ideals’, one can easily see powers such as whiteness, fatphobia, colourism, anti-blackness, ableism, colonialism, the patriarchal gender binary and capitalism - to name but a few.

Whilst they inhibit all people from thriving, we must remember that these powers stop people from literally surviving. People are threatened, harmed and killed for how they look: for the colour of their skin or their gender presentation.

In understanding that the pressures to look a certain way are rooted in such violent powers, it becomes easier to see that there is no such thing as a ‘wrong’, ‘bad’ or ‘ugly’ body. Instead, there are infinite ways to look, which should be equally respected, validated and celebrated.

2. We are all sold the idea that the ‘perfect body’ equals happiness.

The beauty industry is worth $532 billion dollars. The fitness industry is worth $94 billion. Fashion is a whopping $364 billion.

It can be very helpful to remember how businesses and organisations directly profit from reinstating these structural powers.

These industries have been practising how to make people feel less than / unworthy / wrong / disgusting for decades, and they are very good at it.

These days young people are facing an additional barrage of perfection optics through social media. Now more than ever, the ‘perfect’ body and lifestyle seems within more people’s reach.

Again, it can be helpful to point out the connection between feeling bad about yourself and what you’ve just seen. If you’ve just been watching a lot of white, slim, able bodied influencers discussing makeup brands, or showing off their new fitness garms, it’s probably not going to make you feel great. It’s probably going to make you feel like you need to try harder or spend more time or money on looking better.

Whilst clothes or makeup can make us feel more confident and give us enjoyment, it’s important to try to root acceptance and enjoyment of your body in yourself, and not rely on the validation of others.

Helpful exercises can be practising gratitude for what your body does for you every day: taking you places, enabling you to enjoy the things you love and literally keeping you alive! Another helpful thing to do is to also look at all the things that make you happy or confident which have nothing to do with your body such as your achievements, hobbies and relationships.

3. It’s impossible to feel body positive all of the time.

We think that loving how your body looks all of the time is pretty much impossible for most people. As we’ve said, there are a lot of forces out there which benefit from you disliking your body and seeing the bodies around you as less than.

And to make it more complicated, there are simultaneously a lot of forces saying you should ALSO love yourself! And if you don’t, then you’re just not trying hard enough.

We’d encourage people to let go of this mentality as it’s not helpful. Sometimes you’ll love how your body feels or looks and other times you will see bits that you hate. That is totally fine. When you’re feeling down about it, be kind to yourself and remember that all thoughts and emotions will eventually pass.

Although there are so many bigger structures at play when it comes to how we think about our bodies, there are also a lot of small actions we can take everyday to check in with how we feel about our bodies. Below are just a few for you to share with a young person and action yourself…

Notice what you see

1. Are you following social media accounts that promote lots of different bodies: including fat bodies, queer bodies, disabled bodies, black bodies, brown bodies, indigenous bodies?

2. Really look at yourself in the mirror - how easy do you find it to be kind about what you see?

3. Notice how the films, TV and social media you’re watching makes you feel about your body - is this positive or something to change?

Notice what you say

1. Do you say things like ‘I look bad’ or ‘my arms are fat’. Would you say that to someone else? Why do you say it to yourself? Where are your ideas of what looks ‘bad’ coming from?

2. Could you practise complimenting people on something other than their appearance? Such as being kind or having a certain skill or talent.

3. Do you trash talk other people? What normally triggers you to do this, and what kind of things do you say?

Notice what you hear

1. Do you hear people being negative about their bodies or yours - can you change the conversation? Or if you’re being bullied, can you talk to someone about it or block the person?

2. Are you hearing jokes about how other people look? Jokes around fatness, skin colour, disabilities, gender? Who are you hearing challenge them? What could you say?

3. Are people complimenting you on weight loss, or commenting on your weight gain? Could you tell them that you don’t want to hear these kinds of comments?

What next?

Whether you’re a teacher, parent, guardian, friend or sibling it is so important to keep engaging young people in conversations around body image. And it’s equally important to keep your own behaviour in check - how are you challenging racist ideals around body image? Are you learning about fatphobia? Are you talking to all young people about this, regardless of their gender?

It’s a big topic but also one which is filled with great people doing great things for us all to learn from!

Please get in touch if you’ve put this into practice. Has it been useful, challenging, problematic, tough, or inspiring? We’d love to hear your feedback and experiences.

The next blog in the series will cover the topic of gender, and explore some of the most important conversations to start with young people.

If you’d rather us - at Split Banana - have these conversations then please get in touch on hello@splitbanana.co.uk. We can deliver directly to your group of young people and / or train you or your staff to do so.