How to Talk about Pleasure with Teenagers
Introducing our brand new student workshop for KS5 (16+).
Why should we teach about pleasure?
There is a long history of resistance around including pleasure in education on sex and relationships.
A large part of this resistance stems from the fear that talking about sex in general will sexualise young people. This is the biggest myth around! Evidence shows that early interventions of Relationship, Sex and Health Education (RSHE) actually mean that young people are more like to delay first sex until they are ready and to experience first sex which is consensual (UNESCO International Technical Guidance for Sexuality Education, 2018).
We think talking about pleasure within RSHE is essential for a few reasons:
It’s a key component to having safer sexual experiences and understanding consent (because how can you consent if you don’t know what feels pleasant vs unpleasant, comfortable vs uncomfortable?).
It helps people to embrace their own bodies by affirming that all bodies deserve pleasure, no matter what their body parts and genitals look like (whatever their shape, size, colour, smell etc).
It’s a tool of empowerment. Because pleasure has been so stigmatised throughout history, it’s an act of ultimate resistance and self-care.
adrienne marie brown writes: “Pleasure is not one of the spoils of capitalism. It is what our bodies, our human systems, are structured for; it is the aliveness and awakening, the gratitude and humility, the joy and celebration of being miraculous.” Imagine what kind of world we’d live in, if everyone know this about themselves and how they might experience it.
Making space to talk about pleasure
Because the word ‘pleasure’ is nowhere to be seen on the RSHE guidelines, it’s been difficult to prove the importance of it to schools. However, over the past year, more and more schools have come forward asking for workshops including information on pleasure and masturbation for their Y12 and 13 students.
Alongside this, we’ve reviewed the anonymous questions that we’ve collected from students about sex, pleasure and masturbation over the past few years (a great way to fuel Q+A when people are too shy to ask!). Based on the things that they were asking for guidance on we designed a workshop and tested it with students.
The workshop is interactive, discursive and judgement-free. We invite students to reflect upon where and what they’ve learnt about pleasure and masturbation, and critically analyse the cultural messages they’ve received. We run through a mini history of pleasure to show how and why it’s been stigmatised in the past, and we share practical guidance for people to begin accepting their bodies and prioritising pleasure, with themselves and others.
What students thought of our workshop
“I loved how open it was and the welcoming atmosphere.”
“I like how nice and understanding the person who did the workshop was. We were very comfortable to talk about masturbation at the end of the session compared to the beginning.”
“I think having a lesson about the anatomy of the vulva was an important skill and something everyone should know about. This was very informative.”
“I now know how to break away from the stigmas of self-pleasure and prioritise mine.”
The impact it had
After our Pleasure and Masturbation workshop…
100% of students reported an improvement in being able to explain the history of pleasure.
95% of students reported an improvement in knowing the difference between the vagina and vulva and being able to name specific parts.
90% of students reported an improvement in being able to critically analyse the messages they've received about masturbation.
86% of students reported an improvement in understanding how to prioritise their own pleasure.
It’s important we recognise that some people might have difficult relationships with pleasure
As with everything, not everyone comes from equal starting points (we spoke about this in our blog on equity and equality). This means that talking about pleasure might be more difficult for some people, depending on a wide array of factors: their relationship with their body, past experience of trauma, cultural background, levels of self-esteem etc.
In our workshops, we set a respectful space and invite students to participate only in what they feel comfortable with. We also encourage people to reflect on pleasure in a broad sense, not just sexual pleasure. What brings them joy? What kinds of experiences build intimacy between friends? This allows those who feel less comfortable to participate at their own pace.
Supporting students to understand their bodies better
If you want to provide your students with a space to build skills which will help them to prioritise their safety and pleasure, then please get in touch.
We also have a brand new Living Independently workshop for Y13s, which we’re very excited about! More information to come…
Keen to keep learning about pleasure?
Read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and Pleasure Activism by adrienne marie brown
Watch the Principles of Pleasure docu-series
Listen to the Project Pleasure podcast