A simple guide to great sex-ed: time to start talking.

We’re Split Banana - a social enterprise that delivers relevant and inclusive Relationship and Sex Education (RSE), using art. We do this in three ways: by delivering directly to young people, by training educators, and by coordinating art projects in creative and community settings. 

We want to get the UK chatting openly and honestly about relationships and sex. We’re here to share with you everything we’ve learned from our work so far. 

Gender, sexuality, consent, identity, expression. These are topics which intersect with our lives on a daily basis. They shape what it means to be human. They influence how we relate to one another. They encourage us to nurture our relationships with ourselves and others. 

So whether you’re a teacher, family member, youth worker, carer or friend of a young person - we all have our own special part to play in creating a positive environment that enables young people to flourish. 

In this series of blog posts, we’ll start by sharing some top tips to get you chatting. Then each week we’ll focus on a different topic within RSE: what the topic is, why it’s important we talk about it and the key things that young people need to know. 

Why is this important?

In the UK, we don’t have a great rep when it comes to RSE. Check out our ‘What’s Your Sex-Ed Story?’ page for a growing collection of real experiences from across the UK - shocks and laughs guaranteed. (You’ll probably have your own to tell - please add it!)Unfortunately, schools haven’t always had the time / capacity / budget / staff to provide quality RSE. We’re not blaming them. Amidst an obsession with attainment and data, our education system puts a lot of pressure on teachers, alongside a lack of budget and robust system of pastoral support. This means RSE is often delivered in rushed snippets by an uncomfortable teacher, or not at all. This is another reason that we all need to step up.   

Image of a confused girl meme, with sperm illustrations and the words: “Despite going to an all girls school, we were never taught that women could and should enjoy sex.”

Alongside the condoms on bananas and graphic images of genital warts, there is another, more alarming, inadequacy within RSE. It does not speak to the experiences of marginalised groups. It focuses on relationships and sex from an non-disabled, heteronormative, white perspective. 

Firstly, this alienates a large portion of the population, not providing them with the knowledge and skills to be safe and happy. We’ve heard experiences of young lesbians unable to access the contraception they need, because they had no idea dental dams existed, or where to get them from. 

Secondly, it drains RSE of its potential to be a subject that empowers young people to recognise and challenge discrimination. If we are teaching the same white, cis, heterosexual perspective that has dominated our education system for hundreds of years, then we are not preparing young people to be agents of social change. We need them, their voices and their actions to help build a more empathetic and accepting society. 

“I was taught to use a condom but I wasn’t prepared for the pressure to not use one. I wasn’t prepared from the pressure to prioritise somebody else’s pleasure over my own safety".” Image of colourful condoms.

What happens if we don’t have these conversations?

When young people are faced with silence and misinformation around topics within RSE, this can have huge effects on their lives. Why is noone talking about sex? It must be bad. It must be shameful. Why am I only seeing penis-in-vagina sex on TV? It must be the only way to do it. Maybe I’m not normal. 

This lack of information and guidance leaves young people more vulnerable to compromised sexual health, exploitation, abuse and mental health challenges. 

Further, by failing to explore RSE topics in an open and honest way, we create a vacuum which people try to fill by themselves. This leads them to uncritically ingesting information about what sex and relationships should look like from their peers, pop culture and porn. This can result in unrealistic expectations, confusion and problematic behaviours and attitudes. We’ve experienced the effects of this in our own teenage relationships, and have heard it echoed amongst many other young people. Aggressive, penetration-oriented sex and the need for porn to get turned on are not what the ‘standard’ should be. 

What happens when we do have these conversations?

We know that when taught well, RSE can be transformative. It can build confidence to maturely navigate sex and relationships. It can create acceptance in understanding one’s own body. It can encourage empathy for other people’s bodies, experiences, beliefs and ways of living. 

In our sessions, not only did 86% of young people report that their awareness of local sexual health services had increased but 85% of them rated themselves ‘confident’ or ‘expert’ at feeling empowered to make change. It’s not only about the knowledge and skills learned to keep themselves safe and healthy, but about the wider picture of wellbeing and equality for everyone. 

We think there is an exciting piece of research to be done on the long-term effects of a positive RSE. We expect the ripple effects to be colossal: a decrease in bullying, a decrease in homophobic and transphobic language, the eradication of rape culture, better mental health and happier realtionships. The list goes on. If you’re a researcher or expert in impact measurement interested in this area then please do get in touch. We’d love to prove this together. 

“I never felt like anyone represented me at school. If a queer activist had come into my classroom and told me who they were, and what they believed in, I would have cried.” Words from a participant at a ‘What I Wish I’d Known’ workshop and image of model and trans rights activist, Munroe Bergdof.

What next?

So, how do we put this all into action?

Our next blog in the series will give you some practical tips to help get you ready to chat to young people about relationships and sex. 

If you’d rather us - at Split Banana - have these conversations then please get in touch on hello@splitbanana.co.uk. We can deliver directly to your group of young people and / or train you or your staff to do so. 

We create bespoke programmes and training packages to suit a wide variety of settings, so give us a shout.