Teenage Life: Friendship

Celebrating Platonic Relationships

The importance of friendship

This month, we want to talk about friendship and platonic relationships. A platonic relationship is one in which people share a close bond but do not have a sexual relationship. One of the many types of platonic relationships are friendships.

Friendships are a crucial pillar and foundation of the many different relationships we all have in our lives. They are a place where we learn about:

• Boundaries

• Consent

• Reciprocity

• Trust

• Communication

• Community

Within friendships, we can build and share intimacy in a variety of different ways and ultimately learn more about ourselves and the world around us.

But sometimes, friendships can feel complicated and hard, especially as a teenager. This blog will help you to understand friendships better and give some tips on how to bring your best self to the friendship.

Why interdependence is important

When it comes to relationships, it’s essential to know that it's not healthy, fair or feasible to get everything from one person. For example, if we rely on a romantic partner to meet all of our needs, this puts a huge amount of pressure on them, and on our relationship with them.

You don’t have to be in an intimate relationship for your relationships to be a place of healing and wholeness. Platonic relationships can hold space for emotional support, intimacy, care, playfulness and companionship.

Another type of relationship is a queerplatonic relationship: a close but non-sexual relationship that goes beyond what most would consider to be in a friendship. People in queerplatonic relationships may be of any gender or sexuality.

Setting boundaries

There will be ups and downs in friendships and teenage friendships can be particularly intense. There are a lot of hormones, a lot of feelings and there will be tough points.

It's important to be kind to yourselves and your friends through these years and beyond, and work through any issues with maturity and communication.

It helps to understand yours and their boundaries and a useful exercise involves sitting down with yourself and actively setting your own boundaries. Then you can discuss them together.

Reflect on the following questions:

• Social

  • How involved are you in each others’ social lives?

  • How do you want to spend time together?

  • How often do you want to hang out?

• Emotional

  • How much emotional support do you need?

  • How much emotional capacity do you have to give support to them?

• Physical

  • How close physically do you like to be?

  • What personal space do you need?

You can learn more about setting boundaries here.

As with any kind of relationship, there are common signs to look out for through toxic behaviour: things like possessiveness, jealousy and meanness.

If a friend is putting you down regularly, or making you feel bad more than good, you should talk to a trusted adult about it or visit ChildLine’s friendships page for further support.

How to be a good friend

As with any relationship, friendships require a certain level of love, care and commitment.

Here are some ways you might centre these things:

• Build each other up - tell your friend’s how great they are and focus on their strengths.

• Make time for check ins, connection and fun - have dedicated time for you, outside of school or work.

• Listen to their experience and celebrate your differences - you won’t always agree on everything but you can often learn from each other.

• Communicate your needs and support one another - articulate your boundaries and respect theirs.

• Remember that good friendships are reciprocal - the love should be shared both ways and feel balanced.

Want to learn more?

You learn more about friendship our new Resource Hub for Young People! We’re really excited to share this with you.

The hub contains resources on topics ranging from sex and relationships to life transitions and identity. Things to watch, read and listen to.

Check it out and let us know what you think.